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The Ballad
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Ricky’s a running back
He plays in the NFL
He called his very own timeout
just like Dave Chappelle
Ricky’s a man of substance
Got banned from the NFL
He had to play Canadian football
They don’t pay so well
Sometimes it’s just a question of
who gets to be the boss
and sometimes you get penalized
’cause there’s a line you’ve crossed
Every team’s win is another team’s loss
Sometimes you take the Heisman
Sometimes you lose the toss
They said he had a negative attitude
They said he had a positive test
So Ricky asked for early retirement
but the Dolphins weren’t impressed
He tried to quit his contract
when he was labeled stoner
but then he’d owe his bonus
to the Dolphins’ mighty owners
They docked him lots of dollars
just like he told Mike Wallace
They hooked him like a trawler
Told him, fix your image
Get back in the scrimmage
So Ricky cut his dreads
right down to his head
Only took meds
approved by the Feds
Quit the chronic
took a cold colonic
but he wound up in Toronto
where the stuff is hydroponic
Says he’s turning Hindu
feasting on that vindaloo
He’s hurtin’ down in Florida
now his suspension’s through
Was it one too many possessions
or New Age enlightenment sessions?
You’ve got to keep up your aggression
in the NFL
Sometimes it’s just a question of
who gets to be the boss
and sometimes you get penalized
’cause there’s a line you’ve crossed
Every team’s win is another team’s loss
Sometimes you take the Heisman
Sometimes you lose the toss
Lyrics and music © MMVI, MMVIII Corner Oak Music—For You (BMI), a branch of The Corner Oak. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced in any form, including reuploading to the Web, without permission.
Illustration © MMIV, MMVIII Darian Eck. High-res version. All rights reserved.