Office of Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace.
Bardwell: Kin I hep yall?
Princess Tiana: Yes, were here to obtain a marriage license.
Bardwell: A marriage license! But you colored. And he white.
Tiana: Yes, what does that matter?
Bardwell: Honey chile, I aint nevah married no interracial couples in dis heah parish. No way, nohow.
Prince Naveen: You cant deny us! Its the law.
Bardwell: In dis parish, I is de law. Now I aint got nuttin gainst coloreds, yall unnastan. Im jes tinkin bout de chillun. What kinda life dey gonna have growin up half and half?
Tiana: Theyll live happily ever after. After all, Im a princess, and Naveens a prince. Our children will grow up in a palace!
Bardwell: Now, you listen heah, princess. De only royalty we reckonize in Tangipahoa Parish is de Imperial Wizard and de Knights of de White Camellia. De only part of a palace you evah gone see is de kitchen with de rest of de help. What you a princess of, anyway?
Tiana: I come from Disneys Magic Kingdom.
Bardwell: Prove it.
Tiana: Prove it? How?
Bardwell: Sing Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah. Go on, sing!
Naveen: Listen, Judge Bardwell, this is the 21st century.
Bardwell: You in Lousiana, boy. De clock done stop in 1860. Lemme see yo butt suhtifikit.
Naveen: You want to see my butt?
Bardwell: Yo B-I-R-T-H, butt suhtifikit.
Naveen: Well, I dont actually have one.
Bardwell: Why not?
Tiana: You see, he used to be a frog.
Bardwell: I knew I done detect an accent. But we call em Cajuns around heah. Show a little respeck.
Tiana: No, I mean a real frog. An amphibian.
Naveen: I was cursed by a witch doctor.
Bardwell: See, dats just what Im talkin about. Fust you got interracial marriage, next its gay marriage, putty soon its man on dog, or woman on frog, or
Tiana: Arent you sworn to uphold the Constitution?
Bardwell: De Yankee federal constitution? My copy aint got no amendments aftuh numbuh 12. And dahlin, we got heah in de state of Lousiana whats known as de Napoleonic Code. You see, now according to dat, I is yo intelletchual superiuh and you bein uppity. Dats de one principle of Dixie dat trumps all de udders: Know yo place.
Tiana: So, you wont grant us a marriage license.
Bardwell: I done tole yall dat already.
Naveen: What are we supposed to do?
Bardwell: Why dont yall follow all dem Katrina refugees west to Texas. Dey aint got no standards deyah.
Leaves of Oak © MMIX Lindsey D. Eck. All rights reserved.
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