Ricky Williams

The Ballad
of
Ricky Williams

by Lindsey Eck

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Ricky’s a running back
He plays in the NFL
He called his very own timeout
just like Dave Chappelle

Ricky’s a man of substance
Got banned from the NFL
He had to play Canadian football
They don’t pay so well

Sometimes it’s just a question of
who gets to be the boss
and sometimes you get penalized
’cause there’s a line you’ve crossed
Every team’s win is another team’s loss
Sometimes you take the Heisman
Sometimes you lose the toss

They said he had a negative attitude
They said he had a positive test
So Ricky asked for early retirement
but the Dolphins weren’t impressed

He tried to quit his contract
when he was labeled stoner
but then he’d owe his bonus
to the Dolphins’ mighty owners

They docked him lots of dollars
just like he told Mike Wallace
They hooked him like a trawler

Told him, fix your image
Get back in the scrimmage

So Ricky cut his dreads
right down to his head
Only took meds
approved by the Feds

Quit the chronic
took a cold colonic
but he wound up in Toronto
where the stuff is hydroponic

Says he’s turning Hindu
feasting on that vindaloo
He’s hurtin’ down in Florida
now his suspension’s through

Was it one too many possessions
or New Age enlightenment sessions?
You’ve got to keep up your aggression
in the NFL

Sometimes it’s just a question of
who gets to be the boss
and sometimes you get penalized
’cause there’s a line you’ve crossed
Every team’s win is another team’s loss
Sometimes you take the Heisman
Sometimes you lose the toss

Lyrics and music © MMVI, MMVIII Corner Oak Music—For You (BMI), a branch of The Corner Oak. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced in any form, including reuploading to the Web, without permission.
Illustration © MMIV, MMVIII Darian Eck. High-res version. All rights reserved.