PALM BEACH—President Trump today proclaimed that Pacific Palisades would be given to the Trump Organization by California, expanding on his plan for a MAGA takeover of the fire-ravaged region that he suggests involves the permanent relocation of Hollywood liberals.
“We will take over the Palisades Strip,” Trump said in a White House press conference with First Bro Elon Musk. “We’ll own it … We have an opportunity to do something that could be phenomenal—the Atlantic City of the West Coast.”
Palisades’ entire population would relocate to other nations. “We should go to other countries of interest with humanitarian hearts, and there are many of them that want to do this, and build various domains that will ultimately be occupied by the Marxist scum living in this part of Los Angeles, ending the death and destruction and, frankly, bad luck,” he said.
Trump was vague about how he would execute this cultural cleansing. At a press conference, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt said, “The president has not committed to putting boots on the ground in Palisades.” She also said FEMA would not pay for L.A. reconstruction, but the Trump Organization would work with investors such as Jeff Bezos and Mohammed bin Salman to achieve maximum returns.
Of celebrities such as Billy Crystal, Anthony Hopkins, and Paris Hilton, Trump said, “It would be my hope that we could do something really nice, really good, where they wouldn’t want to return,” Trump said. “Why would they want to return? The place has been hell.”
Calling it a “demolition site,” Trump said, “Palisades is uninhabitable. It needs to be cleaned out. The Palisadinians should be happy to live in peace in some other sunny, desert country. I have been on the phone with the leaders of Jordan and Egypt and, while they haven’t committed, I think they can be convinced.”
Though MBS is pledging $100 billion from the Saudi wealth-investment fund for the rebuilding of Palisades, he stated that the Kingdom had no interest in housing any of its population. “The liberals of Los Angeles have an immoral lifestyle that is counter in every way to the tenets of Islam,” he said. “They belong in Sodom, not Saudi Arabia.”
Trump named Mel Gibson his special envoy to California to implement the cleanout of Palisades. “Finally—no Jewish neighbors,” said Gibson.
An open letter to my senators and representative
Hell, yes!
This article is satire. “Leaves of Oak” © MMXXV Lindsey D. Eck. All rights reserved.
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